On having small hoots

My brother calls me 'hoots'. I wish it was because I had a strong affinity toward owls or "hootin and hollerin" (ummm, what?), but it's mostly just because I have small boobs. Is it weird/inappropriate my brother calls me by a sarcastic nickname referencing my chest size? I'm not sure. You've read what I call my dad, so perhaps I'm not the sanest judge.

I have no idea why I've decided to write a post about my boob-related nickname or my small chest size...I guess my window to pull material from is getting smaller and smaller? Oh well. At least it's more entertaining than what I ate today or if my bowel movements were normal.

Pretty much everyone in my family has a fairly average to large chest size. Some pretty big knockers. Some pretty not so big knockers...but, I definitely take the cake in the 'not so big' department. In middle school, I remember waiting excitedly for my boobs to like, instantly grow overnight into mounds of wonder. As if that would ever happen. I was about 4.7 pounds soaking wet. I bought some 'training' bras even though band-aids or just like, clear nail polish, would have done the trick. No clue what the clear nail polish thing means. Ok, I do kinda know, but if you have no inkling, I'm not gonna explain it.

Anyway, as luck would have it, my boobs pretty much never grew despite my best efforts. I mean, they sort of grew at some point but not by much. It was annoying for a while, but now that I'm almost 30 and pretty secure with how I look, I'm totally cool with it and find it so much easier. After all, boobs are made of fat, and I'm a fairly thin person naturally. It would look pretty weird if I was this thin and then had big boobs. I know some people might think "that would look awesome" (uh yeah, duh)...but, the reality is, there just aren't too many girls that are lucky enough to be really thin and then also have big boobs. Plus, big boobs are a pain. All the cute bras and shirts are made for people with smaller chests. Stuff fits so much easier. And, juniors bras are so much cheaper! Aaaaand, when working out, I don't even need to wear a sports bra. I can pretty much work out with any type of bra on and be absolutely fine. In fact, I could probably flail around completely naked on a treadmill and feel great - except for the whole feeling self conscious because I'm naked, while running, and people are staring at me thing.

Even if I wanted to get breast implants (which I don't), I'm certain the whole thing would go horrifically wrong. My body HATES foreign objects. I tried getting my belly button pierced and my nose pierced twice (for over a year each time), and my body rejected them. It was literally like "nu uh, I don't think so bitch." My nose piercing refused to ever heal even though I was anal about caring for it. And, my belly button slowly pushed the piercing out of my skin over time. Before I finally took it out, the piercing was hanging on by only like 1.4 mm of skin. A very cute look. Therefore, I'm relatively 100% sure that if I ever got breast implants, they would end up strategically exiting their way out through my nipples. Meanwhile, I'd become all diseased and haggard looking and my boobs would turn into a crumpled mess. It'd be horrible.

Have you ever noticed that strippers usually have small boobs? They tend to be thin, so once again, usually their boobs aren't too big. Unless they have fake boobs. I'm not saying hooray, now there's one more reason for me to be a stripper (although the list is pretty much endless), but I am saying that if I ever wanted to be a stripper, at least I'd be in good company.