Friday, November 2, 2012

"Walking" the Youngin'

Just look at this sorry ass picture and you tell me if that looks like a dog having a good time. 

Head down, sauntering forward very slowly, hanging back just as far as her leash will allow her...all the tell tale signs of a dog in a gleeful state of mind about their walk. 

We're in Florida, the weather here is beautiful, breezy, not hot or humid. We're walking on quiet, palm tree lined streets where friendly people go by and wave and smile happily...and where Pippi can see other small dogs (usually also in pink accessories, which makes her feel comfortable) and socialize. She even has on a harness to ensure I don't pull too hard at her delicate throat. She has it made in the sun. This is cream puff status right here. Did I mention we rode in a golf cart first before the walk to try to get her amped up for the actual walk?!? 

Like, I imagine this must be how hard dorky guys try when they want to get laid by respectable, non-dorky women. Probably not good to bring up sex analogies when I'm talking about my dog, but you get the point. I don't want to have sex with my dog, you crazy monster.

Anyway, just to give you a little background on Pippi (the moment you've all been waiting for), she is actually quite hearty for someone so little in stature (7 pounds). Now, when I use the word "hearty", I am using it in the sense that you already know she's 7 pounds. So, like, she's hearty for 7 pounds...get it? Knowing this background, she has more leeway room.

It's kind of like being a "good" driver when you're Asian. If stereotypes aren't failing us (when do they really ever let us down?), you're probably not that good of a driver...but, like I said, you have way more leeway room to suck ass. There are a plethora of other similar scenarios I can unfold for you, but I don't want to piss anyone off here...well, apparently, I don't want to piss any white people off...pissing off the Asians was fine I guess. It's ok, you rear-ended my car (case and point, bam), so we're sort of even.

Anyway, you're smart people, so you get what I'm laying down. Basically, the Youngin' (a.k.a. Pippi) is a little weakling, but she is a terrier, so she has some fire/spunk/personality. Therefore, you'd think she'd be able to get through a 20 minute walk with a little excitement and pizzaz and show a little damn appreciation for the person walking her. 

No no no. Not in Pippi's book. I might as well be walking a decrepit 15 year old pug...or a dog with a serious case of mono. It looks like I'm torturing her by making her do the worst thing in the world. It's like I told her right before the flipping walk, "when we get home, I'm not going to feed you, and bonus, I'm also going to kill every chameleon in the state of Florida so that I can take away the one thing you love the most in life".  

That's what it looks like. In actuality, I'm obviously doting (get it yet Steve?) over her, singing her sweet nothings, coddling her, picking her up at random so that she gets to take a break from such an unusual and cruel form of punishment, etc.

Now, she does get hot easily (she's like a little furnace), and she has a thin, to her credit, with lots of walking in warm weather, she does have breathing trouble. But, these aren't really excuses given that I'm not making her walk a marathon in 90 degree heat. 

So, what gives? She never used to be quiiiite this bad before. I mean, she was always kind of a little fickle pants, but never to this extreme. I'm dog sitting this weekend, and Pippi has been living with my parents in The Villages while I live in St. Pete. Therefore, I have no say anymore over how spoiled she gets. Welllllll, here is why she seemed extra bad:

Oooooooooh, well, excuuuuuuuse me! Now she's accustomed to and prefers walks at fancy pants recreation centers (like Seabreeze and Lake Miona), so neighborhood walks are no longer on par with her high levels of expectation. 

O-M-G! Really?!? Really? Really?