Just because I'm single doesn't mean I want to date a 23 year old holy roller

Cha! Seriously though, because I'm single, people looove to try to set me up or conjure up all these great ideas of me dating other single people (a.k.a. losers or people I'd never get along with even while heavily sedated or like, completely roofied and drooling all over my chest).

In their head...
"Oh, you're single? That's great news because I know this one-eyed wombat that is really looking to settle down. His leg is kind of mangled from the accident and so he has a bad limp, but he's totally nice."
Ummm, nope.

Ok, maybe it's not quite that bad, but I'm also not exaggerating too much. You have to know what I mean. You probably even do the same thing if you're already in a relationship...I mean, I used to do the same thing...all the freaking time. You try to set up two people that, even if you don't think they'd be a great match, you think it might be ok. And, by 'ok', I mean an applicable date might be looking for a nice pair of gym shorts at Kohls vs. making out or having an intellectual conversation...or any type of conversation, for that matter. Who's keeping score here anyway? You're single...I'm just trying to help you out.

 Welp, the tables have now been turned.

No, I don't want to date your retarded cousin with a lazy eye. No, of course I don't like guys that are really nice but not hot at all. Duh.

This is just a bunch of smack talking (actually, the gym shorts example is a totally true example...totes magotes), but let me give you a couple of real life scenarios so you can see what I'm working with here...
1) I was at a chamber of commerce event recently in order to do some networking, etc. for our family's new business, and this woman was telling me all about some nice, younger guy that she knows. He was 23. People usually assume I'm somewhere between the age of 18-22 (at least that's what I assume since I constantly get asked what I'm studying in college...uhhh, graduated in 2005, but I guess geography is pretty cool?). I think it's because my boobs still haven't fully developed and I don't wear a lot of make up. Oh, and maybe because I'm not morbidly obese. But, since I'm 29, a 23 year old guy (who, based on age stereotypes for guys which usually ring completely true, probably acts around the age of 18) isn't the most appealing thing in the world. But, then she also told me he is a virgin and really religious...as if these attributes alone would make me squeal with delight. Aaaaaand, he broke up with his previous girlfriend because even though she went to bible study faithfully, she was starting to question some things in the bible. Apparently, it was really tough for him to break up with her because he loved her, but he knew he had to do it because of the whole questioning of the bible thing. HOLY CRAP. Noooo freaking way, worst match ever. A 23 year old that's super religious aaand a virgin!? I'll pass.

2) At another business meeting, my mom offered up the fact that I'm single. Naturally, business meetings are the perfect forum to bring up and then talk about that sort of thing. So, the business owner we were talking to asked me how tall I was (5'9"), and then he said he knew a single 30 something year old cop that is 6'7". Well, perfect! I'm 5'9", so obviously I want to date a huge giant.

Those are my two main examples other than getting asked out for drinks by a 65-ish year old man. That's besides the point though because he didn't even know if I was single or not. He was just being gross. Even if I was single, oh wait, I am, I wouldn't go out with a 65 year old man. I think that pretty much goes without saying, but just in case you were wondering if I went out with him or not, I felt the need to clarify.