First off, I know what you're thinking...no, Ben is not African American but yes, that is a strapless bra...at a public beach...while my brother smiles happily in very close proximity (actually, we are not only in close proximity but also appear to be shaking hands for some unknown reason). I was wearing a strapless bra because I had just gotten a tattoo the day before, and I don't have any bandeau type bathing suits that don't tie around my neck (which would obviously irritate the tattoo). Therefore, I made the adult and responsible decision to wear my strapless bra and not take off my polo shirt. Not only did I not want a bathing suit strap to irritate my tattoo, but I also didn't want to expose it to the sun. Instead, I ended up shirtless, full-on bra, with my tattoo shining in the sun. Sometimes that shit happens dude. (Disclaimer: I'm actually quite responsible and this photo makes me look like way more of a wayward rebel than I actually am)
If that photo alone doesn't speak volumes for the lovely relationship I have with my brother, I will now proceed with less pictures and more words.
My mom buys 'bully sticks' for the dogs. If you're gonna google that shit, don't say I didn't warn you. They are these dog bones made out of dried bull dicks and spinal chords. Nope, not even kidding. Dogs like the nastiest things, but I guess they're supposed to be good for their teeth. She orders the "odorless" kind which roughly means that they only smell 95% as bad as the full-on "full of odor" kind. We usually have two lying around the house on any given occasion, and one is usually big because Missy takes her sweet ass time with hers, and Pippi's is usually small because apparently she loves gross things like chomping away feverishly on bull dicks. She always comes to bed smelling like low tide or dead fish (that's evidently what dried dicks smell like to me). Anyway, we're constantly picking them up when we leave the house to make sure neither dog chokes on them when we're gone (imagine telling people your dog died due to choking on a bull's dick?), so we're always furiously going around the house saying things like "did you find the big dick?" or "I found the small dick", as if we're partaking in some sort of fucked up easter egg hunt. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't sound very normal or family friendly to strangers.
Today my brother told us that he googled himself and found some article written about him when he was a senior in high school. My first reaction was that I was honestly impressed because it's really not all that easy to google yourself when your last name is Friend (he told me you have to put your name in quotes...oooooh). My second reaction was wow, I guess the family business is allowing you to have ample free time. Naturally, my brother read the article aloud to my family and his girlfriend (he is always reading things aloud to us, and if they are things about him, all the better). It was a wonderful article about how he was the leader of his senior class or something...the article used adjectives like 'fearless' and 'stoic' to describe Ben...to which my mom exclaimed something along the lines of, "that's bullshit, you did nothing for that class!" Ben declined to comment.
Unfortunately, the rest of the google searches came back only with arrests and police blotters. I was the easy child because I only got arrested once. But, in my defense, apparently Michigan state resident cards aren't the most prominent form of ID for legit 21 year old Connecticut residents. Who know? That sketchy Indian nice man at "Whatever Photo ID" in Manhattan sure lead me astray.
Well angel faces, this is getting pretty long and convoluted, so I'll stop there.
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