Sunday, December 16, 2012

Hey guys, look at me, I'm blogging again, weeeeeeee...

Since I'm such a gifted writer, it only took me a little over a month to figure out what my next blog post would be about...

The difference of getting "dressed up" between guys and girls. 

I know what you're thinking...this is going to be good. Yeahhhhhhh, about that, it probably won't be.

Ok, so, for most girls, getting "dressed up" (like, for a date or a party or a night out with her bitches) involves a series of very specific steps that will then most likely all culminate with the disastrous revelation that she's too fat, her hair's not straight enough, her boobs aren't big enough, or something of the like. Am I right, ladies?

And, like I said, this is AFTER a strategic protocol is followed to try to ensure that these lowly feelings don't arise. A protocol that involves showering, shaving, plucking, lotioning, nail painting, hair blow drying, make-upping, booze drinking, magic potion drinking, jumping jacking, etc. (yes, I know some of these aren't real words). For some of the exceptional loony bins, it may even involve fake tanning, bra stuffing, spanx wearing, cosmetic surgery, or whatever else you might associate with excessiveness and an overall plummeted self image.

The likely end result after all of this prep work is a girl that looks as good as she can possibly look...or, at the very least, as good as she can possibly make herself look depending on her skill set. We're not all the best at makeup application, hair styling or making mountains out of mole holes. I think what I mean by that is it's hard to make boobs look big when they're actually small. Boy is that a good way to butcher the original intention of the phrase.

The point is, usually, a girl will still not be quite satisfied with her appearance even after working really hard at it. She always sees something negative or something she can improve.

Don't get me wrong, this is not always the case. We all know hideous looking girls or extremely overweight girls that somehow lack common sense and have an over abundance of self confidence and think they are the hottest thing since, well, anyone.

And, then there's the hot girl that thinks she is hot and knows that other people think she is hot and so, she likes to flaunt it around. Barf. But, the fellahs love this. Not good relationship material gentleman. But, yeah yeah yeah, a good show, nonetheless...I get it.

These last two paragraphs nicely sum up all the types of girls I never want to be friends with.

Uh oh, I'm losing track of my point. Ok, back on topic...girls try hard to make themselves look good, but they still don't think they look good enough.

Now, guys on the other hand...
The short version of this is a guy only has to roll out of bed, run his fingers through his receding hair and put on some clothes that are maybe clean to think that he looks like a shining star that every girl would want a piece of.

Have you guys ever seen that photo of the difference between what a girl sees when she looks in the mirror and what a guy sees when he looks in the mirror? Oh, ya know what, I'm on the internet machine right now, so let me just go ahead and google that shit for you. Here:

So true. I think this pretty much summarizes up all my points quite nicely.

If a guy is really trying to look good for a special lady, sure, he may try hard, but a guy's version of trying hard is so much easier and takes so much less effort than a girl's version of trying hard.

Guys don't typically highlight or dye their hair or blow dry it or straighten it or curl it or pin it up or whatever the fuck we do. Guys wash it, maybe...let it air dry...and put some gel in it...again, maybe. Guys shave their face, maybe. Guys may also shave their balls like once a week. Girls shave a million different things all the time. And, if you're a girl with a stache or those weird sideburn things, forget it. Then you're doing the guy shaving aaaand the girl shaving and things are just a big ole' mess for you.

Guys will put on a button down shirt or a nice t-shirt. A nice t-shirt, CHRIST. Imagine that, ladies. Guys will wear jeans 9 times out of 10. Oh, and most likely, some sort of flat, comfortable sneakery type shoe. Basically, for a guy to look his best, he has to be clean, somewhat well kept and have on a decent looking outfit. Maybe slap on a watch if he's feeling really spiffy. For a girl to look good, she has to come up with some sort of outfit that is much more like creating a cute, one-of-a-kind ensemble and much less like throwing together whatever is clean at the time. This can involve jewelry, scarves, hair accessories, high heels, uncomfortable clothes, makeup, belts, cardigans, hats, you name it.

I'm getting tired just thinking about it.

I think what all this is leading to is...this is precisely why guys should try their best to make a lot of money and pay for every date. I'm not really sure what else we possibly could have learned here.

The end! :-)