Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Do you remember your first time?

...Your first time getting drunk, you sickos.

I remember mine quite vividly. Luckily it wasn't a black-out scenario or involve a hospital visit. Like most people, I hated beer with a passion when I first tried it. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how people drank this stuff willingly because it seemed soo disgusting to me, and I had real trouble even finishing one can (yep, can). I was so ecstatic when ulcer-causing drinks like Mike's Hard Lemonade came out because finally, a drink I could almost enjoy! I remember splitting a 6 pack of it with 2 of my friends...yep, 2 for each of us...and apparently that did the trick back then. Wow, what a cheap date.

Anyway, like I was saying, I could never manage to drink enough Bud Light to get a buzz. I'd always give up frustrated. And, if you're wondering how we even got Bud Light during sophomore year of high school, that was easy growing up in Fairfield, CT given that there's a disgusting, filthy ghetto nice little "town" called Bridgeport next door. Helpful Indians at interesting corner convenience stores would happily sell us the beer, put it in a brown bag, walk out looking not suspicious at all and then place it in the trunk for us. We could have been about 6 years old, and I'm pretty sure it would have been fine. All in all, it was a pretty safe procedure (and that was just the beginning of the night). The exact kind of scenario parents like to not think about as they're tucked in bed wondering what Sally and Bobby might be up to that night.

Since Fairfield is full of suburban sprawl and not much green space to speak of, the most logical place for a bunch of underage rich kids to get drunk is at one of the bajillion elementary schools. Yep, why not bring a keg and set it up in the back near the playground? Seems like a great idea. So, that's the first time I got drunk. I must have been in real rare form that night because I didn't even seem to mind the keg beer that much. I'm pretty sure I managed to drink 2 or 3 cups somehow, and then I was tanked. I had a blast!!! I remember looking really natural falling back against a fence multiple times, my friend got punched in the face for some reason that we clearly weren't capable of understanding, and I told some kid that I had a crush on that he had "nice facial symmetry" (that did not seal the deal). What a compliment, right? I'm pretty sure I was also chain smoking that night (I don't smoke).

Then the cops came...I'm sure it was hard for them to find us at the back of the elementary school and all, but somehow they managed. I tried to talk to one of them, but one of my semi-sober friends was nice enough to help me not get arrested by pulling me away. It was either the same night or another night (at another keg party at another freaking elementary school) that my friend also twisted her ankle and lost her car keys. Those seemed like minor details that were quickly dismissed until the next morning when her ankle was all swollen and purple, and we had to like suspiciously peruse through the bushes at the school to try to find the keys.

But, ya know what? I felt GREAT the next hangover to speak of. Getting drunk in high school is awesome. Everyone should do it! Not only is your tolerance super low, but you never get hungover!

Nowadays, I need to drink way too much to even get buzzed, and I get hungover sooo easily. It sucks.

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