Are those shorts or underwear?!

My aunt was visiting from CT for the past few days (Tues. night through Sun.), so I've been bad with my blog posts already. We had fun though...went to the pool, out to dinner in Orlando, beached it in Boca Raton, relaxed, etc. It was a really nice time. I hadn't seen her since right before I moved to FL which was the very end of Sept., so it had been a little while.

While 'shopping' (in quotes because I actually bought nothing except for pajama pants, which don't really count) in Boca, I had an alarming realization. Perhaps it was because I was around a bunch of really young people/teeny boppers which obviously doesn't happen often in The Villages, but it all of the sudden became clear to me that maybe I shouldn't be shopping in the 'juniors' section of stores anymore! Let's face it, I'm really not a junior in any way, shape or form. I know, I know, a harsh fact of life at the ripe age of 29, but true. I felt so old. Not only because I don't have acne or braces (anymore) but also because I can't tell their freaking ages anymore. Someone that looks 16 can be 23, and I'd have no clue...NO CLUE! Or visa versa. I just can't tell anymore! Am I that decrepit and far removed now from their demographic?!

Not to mention, most of these 'juniors' look a lot cooler than me. I could wear the exact same outfit as an 18 year old that looks super fly (just kidding, I never say those words in real life...), and I would look like a bumbling idiot (plus, my crotch would probably be all sorts of hanging out, but we'll get to that later when I talk about the shorts which conveniently double as underwear). I guess that's natural though since I'm pushing 30, haha. But, it's hard to find that little niche/fine line in between looking like a bubble gum pop princess or looking like you just stepped out of "dress barn" or "fashion bug". Alright, I suppose it's not that hard, but it's at least a little hard...and, I'm just trying to get my point across. It's a balancing act to pull off looking put together in a somewhat stylish way without looking like A) you're trying too hard to look trendy/young or B) a soccer mom. Neither options are good...I need the in between!

Thankfully, I've never been particularly large. In fact, why am I saying 'thankfully'? Sure, I'm thankful now, but back when I was younger, I used to cry in dressing rooms because I was SO thin, no matter what I did. I literally looked like one of those emaciated kids in the sad commercials with the flies on their face ...and, you want to send them money because not only do you feel really bad for them, but the music in the background is extremely depressing and I'm assuming has subliminal messages. Yeah, so that's seriously what I looked like...no joke.

Anywaysss, nowadays, I usually range between a size 4 to 8 depending on the store or style of clothing. So, hellooo, that's not bad at all for fat, disgusting, obese America. But, seriously, who the f*#@ is wearing some of these doll-size clothes I see in clothing stores? Sure, maybe these stores aren't necessarily for my exact demographic, but even still, a size zero in a juniors section is like a negative 16 in normal women's clothing...like, it looks like it could fit my old American Girl doll, Molly, and FIT PERFECTLY. Or, it looks like it could be a GLOVE FOR MY HAND. As stated, I am not a large person, so if these clothes aren't fitting me, who do they fit? I guess the 7th or 9th grade version of me. Good luck fat kids.

So, getting back on topic to the shorts...I saw numerous shorts that looked EXACTLY like underwear. Boy shorts underwear...only they were actual shorts. And, I mean, even if I can pull them off (and by "pull them off", I most likely mean wearing the largest possible size and my crotch still might be hanging out a little bit), should I be? I think the correct answer is no, it just doesn't seem appropriate on a respectable 29 year old. A girl working in one of these stores had on a pair of one of the aforementioned 'shorts', and they looked great on her. They actually didn't even look that inappropriate. And, I'm pretty sure her natural blonde hair was blowing in the breeze...even though we were in a store, so there definitely was no breeze. Yep, teenagers...they just have it so easy. Eh, well, not really, but in many scenarios, yes.

So, to wrap up this educational whirlwind, I guess what I've learned is I should try to steer clear of the juniors section a little more often now that I've realized I'm not 18 (cut me some slack, you might think you're 18 too if you're around 70 year olds all the time). Even if I can 'pull off' some of the clothes, it's not going to be conducive to attracting my future mature and rich husband.

For now, I'm left wondering...what am I supposed to wear? Lesbian looking bermuda shorts? Full length pants 24/7? Capris? Are there any decent shorts for someone my age (the kind that are appropriately short and provide cooch concealment)?!