No, seriously...it was a dream about poop.
In my dream, I was driving down the road in an orange Fiat (Good job dream mind! Even in la la land, I still have an affinity for the color orange and small, gas efficient vehicles), and I felt like I had to go to the bathroom...number 2, in case you couldn't guess. Conveniently, at the time, I was pretty sure I was driving past my friend's grandparent's house...the perfect place to veer off and take a crap, evidently. I was like good, I sort of know these people, I can poop here. Sounds reasonable. So, I pull into their driveway and go inside. Just let myself right in without knocking. Also reasonable. Then, following good house guest etiquette, I decide to duck into the bathroom without saying 'hi' first.
Seems normal so far, right? It's about to get a lot worse.
Well, I'm in the bathroom, and then my mind goes blank about how to proceed. I'm just standing there perplexed. Like, I see the toilet but I'm confused about how to use it and pondering what to do? what to do? Keep in mind, this is a dream. In real life, I'd be so fully capable of knowing what to do next. The next thing I remember, my friend's grandparent's are banging on the door asking who is in their bathroom in their old, crotchety voices. We didn't expect guests, who's in there?
Startled that they would want to have some knowledge about the stranger pooping in their bathroom, I look down and realize I'm going number 2 in the top part of the toilet...ya know, like, where all the toilet inner workings are located. So, I guess my confusion was never alleviated.
Then, in an epiphany, I guess I remembered how to poop appropriately because I think this is really bad. I also think what am I going to do?
So, these random grandparents are getting pretty upset. And, I'm saying things like Don't worry, I'll be right out, tee hee, it's Emily, so and so's friend, this wallpaper in your bathroom is really soothing. Then, my dream brain kicks into high gear and tells me to scoop out the poop from the top part of the toilet, and put it into the correct part of the toilet. Since this logically seems like the next best move and since my brain didn't want me to wake up yet (that would have been nice and way too easy), that's precisely what I start to do. I roll toilet paper all around my hands and get to work. I'll spare you the details since I'm sure you can imagine how delightful this must have been.
The whole time I'm thinking this pooping business is tough stuff. Really not that complicated though when you don't break into someone's house and then shit in the wrong spot. I think that's the moral of this story. I woke up before I saw the grandparents. It was probably best that way though because I'm not sure what sort of story I would have unfolded for them.
I was a little concerned this dream meant I was either becoming mentally handicapped or had shit the bed, but luckily, neither was true...yet. I felt assured when my friend told me I had nothing to worry about.
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