Sunday, September 7, 2014

Rhode Island Vaca

Hey Guys! It's only been less than four months since my last post - not too shabby para mi.

Soooo, update time: I went to Rhode Island at the end of July and saw all my good friends and listened to some folk music and skipped along hand-in-hand beside the ocean. It was swell! Seriously though, I had a really fun time. I left on a Thursday at 7:40am and landed at 10:20am - easiest direct flight ever from Tampa to Providence.

Why do they still pass out peanuts on planes? I don't get it. Some people are so allergic to peanuts that even if someone breathes on them and that someone has eaten peanuts in like the past 7 years, that person could die just from their breath alone. Yet, we are still handing them out happily for consumption on a flying object in the sky. Even if you aren't allergic to peanuts, does anyone actually enjoy them? You might as well be handing me a piece of trash. I take them from the flight attendant with as much enthusiasm as I would muster if someone were handing me their dog's poop bag. Give me a container of peanut BUTTER and a knife (for eating the peanut butter; I don't know what you're thinking) and then we can talk.

Right before getting on my plane, I got all set up at the gate with my egg sandwich and grande vanilla latte from Starbucks. Things were shaping up nicely until I look over to my left and realize, as my luck usually goes, I have like the strangest person at the whole gate area sitting right near me. He is overweight (that fact really bears no significance) and does not seem to have any belongings of any kind with him. Perhaps he checked a bag? During my analytical thought process about where he is hiding his murse, he interrupts by saying aloud to no one in sight "I'm so stressed out! I'm soooooo stressed out!" Now really, the hardest part is done. He's already made it to the airport, through security, to his gate, his flight is on time, etc. There is nothing to be stressed about. He literally has to get on the flight and sit down and eat his god awful peanuts. This is when I start worrying that perhaps he is the pilot. Luckily, he wasn't. Maybe he was stressed out to fly or maybe he was just a little psychotic or maybe both. Either way, he wasn't helping my vacation vibe.

The flight was pretty seamless and actually landed 20 minutes early. The pilot made a hilarious joke as we were exiting about how we should tell our friends and family about the early arrival since we always bitch about the late arrivals. I would have maybe taken him seriously if not for the whole peanut thing. Also, now I had to wait 20 minutes. No one arrives 20 minutes early to the airport "just in case" their friend's flight might arrive early. Personally, when I'm picking someone up from the airport, I add a solid five minutes to the arrival time and then maybe another five to allow them some extra time to poop. I don't know, it seems normal.

So, Nicole picked me up from the airport in her Mini Cooper and we were off to Trader Joe's. She really knows the way to my heart. We got a bunch of food for the weekend and the BBQ she was having at her house on Saturday. That night we went out to dinner, just the two of us, and it was great catching up. Nicole is one of my most favorite people, for so many different reasons, and I really miss having her closer sometimes. After dinner, Amy, Tamara, and Susan arrived, and then it was full on slumber party mode. Everyone slept over Nicole's. Pillow fights! Not really.

Friday was the Newport Folk Festival which was super fun. We took a ferry from Jamestown to Ft. Adams, and there were three stages with different bands playing at different times. I really liked Lake Street Dive, Phox, and Band of Horses. The only thing that kind of sucked is you couldn't drink alcohol while watching the performances. You had to drink in these little partitioned areas which meant everyone was just chugging their booze as fast as possible and then heading back to the stage. Oh, another thing that sucked was their one variety of "white wine" kind of tasted like urine. That was not my favorite. Friday night we all went out to dinner and celebrated Nicole's birthday.

Saturday morning Don-Yell arrived. Now you'd think since we are best friends and talk literally every day either via gchat, text or by phone, she'd give me some type of warm greeting upon arriving at Nicole's house. Nope. She breezily says hi, blows past me like she's queen Elizabeth, and gives NICOLE a hug first. Alas, she's a bad egg. After we exchanged our usual pleasantries like me calling her a bad egg, her telling me I'm a skinny bitch, me telling her she has a lot of freckles, her telling me I'm unusually dumb, me examining her eyebrows and telling her to keep up with plucking them, etc. etc. etc. we had to go buy some alcohol. It was like 11am, but Don-Yell had proclaimed she wanted to do some "day drinking" (sorry everyone if you had anything else in mind) and then do stand up paddle boarding. This seemed like a pretty good plan to me; at least the alcohol portion of it. Stand up paddle boarding on a chilly 70 degree summer day (I kind of say that with sarcasm) in cold water seemed kind of, well, cold. I get goose bumps nowadays just thinking about cold weather. Florida is no joke. Perfect for Don-Yell though since she actively sweats while sitting still in 40 degree weather.

Anywayyyy, Saturday night was the BBQ and Nicole had some more people come over to her house. We finished the night off by playing Taboo. Ya know, that game where someone said "hey, let's take "Catch Phrase", which is a pretty fucking fun game in its own right and just piss people off by adding a shit ton more infuriating rules." It might be good to note here that there was a 5 year old in attendance. So, if it didn't already seem inappropriate for Don-Yell to be dropping the F Bomb during her every turn, it certainly was now. And, even though Nicole fed us all with lots of delicious food, I guess the alcohol was still making Don-Yell hungry because in between cursing, she kept asking if I had any beef. Yeah, I brought some beef with me from Florida...I just totally forgot about it until you asked me ten times. Good one. When that didn't go over well, she asked if I could order her some General Tso's chicken. I couldn't.

Earlier in the weekend, Nicole was imparting some of her wisdom on us about tampons. About how they are laced with bad things because of the cotton crops getting sprayed with pesticides. And about how plastic applicators are bad because they never disintegrate, etc. Now I'm all about buying organic as much as I can and stuff being natural, but certain things are a little too natural. A good example would be brushing my teeth with fennel flavored toothpaste. Not gonna do it. Tried a few natural deodorants, and I might as well have sprinkled fairy dust on my underarms. It would have been exactly as effective. So, I was skeptical about these so-called organic, no applicator tampons that cost $5 for like four of them.

As luck would have it, I got my period on vacation. Yes, that's right, it's what every girl dreams about! I wasn't prepared for it. You'd think that after getting my period super regularly for like 20 years now, I'd have a clue, but nope. It's always like "oooooh, so that's why I have a pimple 7 pimples, and that's why I want to punch you in the throat." Anyway, enter the organic tampon. I was willing to give it a shot because I didn't really feel like going to the store to buy some. Also, after Nicole's speech, I kind of felt like purchasing my normal brand would a) be synonymous to buying some illegal, drug-laced version that only criminals use b) cause me to get cancer instantly.

I pulled the tampon out and right away felt like it looked like a tampon you'd use on a baby. It was so small without the applicator. I couldn't imagine this tiny thing doing much of anything. But, I gave it a try..........................................for about 10 minutes. Because that's precisely the amount of time it was effective for. It was about as useful and probably pretty damn similar to shoving a wildflower up there. Not impressed. I told Nicole her tampons are for the birds, and then she had to take me to a dark alley so I could buy the good stuff.

^ Dad, you told me I should add the tampon thing to my blog. What do you think? Good stuff, eh?

Sunday I saw some of my old Keiler peeps! Cosmo, Laura, and Shannon. It was pouring rain, but we toughed it out by sitting on a covered deck overlooking the ocean. It was really fun to catch up on everyone's lives in real life vs. email. Shan and I ordered some mimosas before we made the disastrous and earth shattering realization that they were $11 mimosas.

Monday I flew home after having brunch with Nicole. It's pretty funny flying into Tampa when you live there because most people on the flight are just starting their vacation. But, I'm on vacation all year long betches!!

Ok, wow, this is long enough. Sorry about the tampon tangent.

Here are some pics:
(Not pictured: Don-Yell doing squats with Kellie on her back)

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