Monday, July 23, 2012

Sightings and Sayings of Senor Puss!

Wow, it's been a whole week since my last blog post. That is almost like 4 months in blogger land, am I right? I've really been slacking now that I've made a new friend and almost have a normal social life. I can't juggle more than, like, two friends at a time. It's a gift, really.

So, I've been trying to figure out what to write about next, and finally, a light bulb went off and I came up with something completely normal and relatable to the general population...Senor Puss sightings and sayings! Maybe it can even be an ongoing feature each week or month depending on how much fan mail I receive. Actually, I'll probably forget, so your best bet is to just enjoy this one and have absolutely no expectations for my future posts, ok?

I got the idea from this book I just finished reading. It's called "Sh*t My Dad Says", and it's by Justin Halpern (in case Justin Halpern reads my blog, I want to make sure I'm all proper about it and recognize him and shit). It was pretty freaking hilarious. I'm going to read his other book next, "I Suck At Girls." When I was going through a little phase of ordering almost every book available on Amazon.com, I came across these two little gems, and I had to have them...and, like 6 other books too...only all at different times so that I was sure to have multiple shipping charges.

Anyway, enough rambling...let's do this in a list type fashion since I love lists!

1) Sighting #1 (there is only one sighting so don't get confused and be all like "where's sighting #2?"...that's annoying and uncalled for...there is no sighting #2 so just shush it)

Ok, so, my dad decided he wanted a chain wallet (I don't question this stuff anymore). In case you don't remember from when these actually used to be popular, there is a chain that attaches from your wallet (which is in your pocket) and then hooks to your belt loop. That way, if you're like my dad and live in The Villages, and a 70 year old geriatric tries to steal your wallet (which is pretty much a fucking epidemic over here...ummm, no), you can be like sorry Mr. Old Man, I'm working with this sweet ass chain wallet contraption so you lose.

For girls, it's an excellent form of birth control because (normal) guys won't come within a foot of you if you have some weird ass chain dangling all down your leg and what not.

Anyway, here's a pic of it. He's pointing to the chain because it's a proud moment for him. Also, below are the texts between me and my brother about it.



2) Saying #1 
Me: Mom says she is going to grow her hair instead of cutting it short because she says long hair is the only hairstyle that will work for her.
Dad: Noooo, I want her to cut it short and spiky. It will look cute.
Me: Cute? Noooo, your wife will look like a lesbian. Do you really want that? She'll look all dikey and shit.
Dad: I like lesbians.
Me: Yeah, good point, you are a pretty big fan of lesbians.
It's true, the man does love a good lesbian.

3) Saying #2
Dad: I'm really doing well with my vegan lifestyle. I've been eating healthier, losing weight, and exercising/working out more.
Me: Yeah, that's great.
Dad: I want to break 160.
Me: Breaking 160 puts you into major girl weight territory. That's just scary.
Dad: Well, I'm not trying to lose weight. I'd just like to break 160.
Me: Ummm...

4) Saying #3

Overheard while my Dad is talking on the phone to my grandmother...
Dad: Yeah, Emily's doing well. She'd like to have more friends and a boyfriend, but she's doing well.
Me (after he is off the phone): Dad, I have a couple friends and I went on a date recently. I don't want a lot more friends. I can't handle a lot of friends. Can you call Grammie back and mention those caveats?
Dad: Oh yeah, sure, I'll just call Grammie back.
Proceeds to pretend to call her back and say "Hey Mom, remember what I was saying before about Emily? Well, it was all a lie..."

2 comments:

  1. Love that your dad really committed to the chain wallet -- JNCOs for Christmas and he's a straight-up thug from '94.

    I found Shit My Dad Says on Twitter a few years ago, and they're still some of the best tweets I've seen (aside from Helen Keller's). If you're on the Twits, it's worth a follow.

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  2. haaaa...seriously!

    i did actually see that on twitter too, although i don't have a twitter account. with fb, blogging, stalking other people's blogs, pinterest, email, and working for an online coupon website, twitter might make my head explode!

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